Judgement

6th October 2010


11.54pm (Singapore time zone)



Hola! I feel so delighted right now :D First and foremost, I’m going to thank to God for His great blessing. Secondly, I’m going to thank to those who have supported me that I can aim such a high score as a freshmen :D Lastly, thanks to Jelek for cheering me up during exam. I can obtain cum laude score because of you all guys ♥


Yesterday (6th October), I confided my doubts to my cousin-oh-cousin, and I finally know the truth directly from his words. Well, I have to move on after knowing his answer. He has forgotten the history between us, and what for I keep on waiting like he suggested me a couple months ago? It’s useless. So, I decide to move on to be a free single like my peers. Majority of my ex classmates are single, and so does he. In addition, they’re absolutely happy with their lives and he does too. How about me? It’s better to be bandwagon.


Last night, I chatted with my cousin-oh-cousin, and I was definitely glad that he didn’t mind to tell the truth. So, the conversation was going to be easier. He purely regards me as his cousin-oh-cousin, and I think this is the best way to maintain our relationship. We have no reason to pretend that we don’t know each other after the tragedy. We have no good reason to start over again, because personally, both of us don’t want to. Frankly, the history is totally furnished from his mind, and I think I have to do the same thing without putting any remorse on what has happened.



Sometimes, I regret that I’ve known him, because we had ‘chemistry’. I think I wouldn’t regret if the ‘chemistry’ didn’t exist. However, everything has happened. How deep you regret, how hurt the scar, and how hard you cry can alter nothing. No power can change history. What I can do is: setting my next step, learning from my experience, and praying to God. That is what I can say to get out of the confusion labyrinth. I have to be free forever, as my heart must be filled with peace. However, I’ll really push myself to implement what I’ve written.

Stop talking and promising craps to yourself, Irene, or else, you’re just leading yourself to blindness.


Here are couple of last sentences that he wrote before he turned offline.

‘Stop being childish, okay?’

Actually, no one has really said that I’m childish, not even my mom.

‘Why?’ I replied

‘You still can’t control your emotion. Alright, see you soon. GBU.’

-Offline-


Right after we ended our chat, I saw myself. I really asked myself ‘am I so temperamental?’ Sometimes, I can act uncontrollably in some cases, but (I think) I rarely act emotionally.

However, who knows me best? Me myself or others? Or he merely judges me?

Perhaps, I need to control myself more. I’m not yet a grown-up.


Getting out from my thought, I continued my chat to Ciwi. I asked her the same question: am I emotional?She laughed and asked me why I appeared to ask such a weird question. I told what has happened (my chatting between my cousin-oh-cousin and me), and then she HAHAHAHA-ed. She ended up with no answer. Perhaps, it’s better than she judges my life by answering me.

It’s unverifiable to obtain the right answer either I am temperamental or I am patient.

Let the answer left unspoken.



Today, 8th October 2010

2.13am (Singapore time zone)



Just now, I savoured another good moment with my ex classmates- Nurma and Edwin. We hanged out to Sun Plaza, and there were three of us. Shella excuses for her being mid-semester. Billi and Roderick appear to have no right decision. Super thanks to Nurma and Edwin then :D I’m glad to see you accompanying me just now. Love love love. ♥ ♥ ♥

We went out for tea-time meal at Fountain, and I ate like a glutton there. I don’t know why, but I kept on eating until I feel full. In the end of the day, we ended ourselves with The Legend of Fist movie. Four thumbs up for the action movie! Moreover, the movie is known to be the truth about what had happened in history during World War II. I hope to watch it again in Singapore after copying it from my roomie. :D

Thanks for Nurma for the ‘nebeng’, and her family is friendly to me. I love knowing your family. :D


One day more, it’s my departure. I’m going to miss my friends here. I think I will rarely meet Edwin after my departure, because he is going to pursue his study to Taiwan. I pray he will unleash his ability and get the best he deserves to.

A couple hours ago were the last time I hanged out with my friends. Steven Limbara has no time to meet me because of his busy schedule. So, I will see him in RP this January 2011 during his SAS orientation. He is officially my junior :P


Ten days more to go.. It’s still a long time.

Time flies in blink of eyes. Time flies without wings with speed of light.

I’m useless for being an old childish girl. I have to move on. I really have to.



With amour,

-irene :D-