30 May 2016

14 May 2016

Was the day when I was admitted to hospital again. Again for the second time after my first admission on 18th Feb 2016. I didn't know what exactly the root cause was, but I knew was I was shivering in cold sweat and was unable to eat. I had vomit and diarrhea for one-day already.

I was rushed to ICU unit. There I had my blood pressure, temperature checked and my body checked with stethoscope. I glared my eyes upon my fiancee under dim light of ICU room. I laid down on ICU bed and my eyes were teary. I cried for the millionth time of this reality.

ICU doctor came by and asked my symptoms feeling. I told him honestly with a small voice. He nodded as he jotted down all details given. He continued with his protocol. A nurse with kind voice approached and pushed me to general ward. I needed intravenous solution immediately to help myself.


I remember how tough my days were at hospital. I screamed and went bossy towards the nurses. Medication input through intravenous needle was so painful every drip of it. I always warned the nurses to touch my needle slowly when it already halted liquid to get into my vena. I always sat down wondering. Wondering if I could make it. Wondering if I was meant to live long. I am going to be married, if I know I am not living for long, I prefer to cancelling my wedding.


I am still struggling with my sicknesses. My body went weak after much medication intake. I shiver in cold when I bath using cold water. I sneeze after bath every time. I get sleepy during afternoon. I get tired at night and is unable to sleep because my mom, brother and sister sleep at 3 AM everyday. My family makes noises. I get nausea whenever I eat stir-fried food.


My colleagues and aunties mock me at my sicknesses. They make fun how a health-concern person can get sick worse than those who heck-care with their food.

I lost 10kg in 2016. This makes me look skinnier but people don't care of my sicknesses

.... even my mom herself



Who else cares? Only Jesus.