Dear D,
I will miss your nick name as the xxx, but I'm glad to know that you're a person who loves unity. Thank you for our quality time that you've spent with me today. I'm happy that you talked to me rather than we sat together in silence. I will miss your soon-to-be-left condominium. There will be merely memory about the people who used to stay there and me. I believe that one day, you will accompany my way to home again. As you used to accompany me to back to home every late night, the memory will never fade easily. The surprise when you came and sat in front of me during dinner was HEHE. Thanks for the memory of the spoilt umbrella in breezy rain. Sharing is a lovely thing. It never crossed inside my mind that guy brings umbrella along with them during rainy day? Frankly, I always look for shelter during rainy season; I'm too lazy to bring umbrella with me. It's great that we laughed today, at least, I remember how to laugh again.
I always yearn for laughter. My classmates can't bring me into laughter; only church friends understand me. I only want to live with church friends, my lovely brothers and sisters. They're my family and spiritual family, a place where I smile widely and share joke. I really enjoy it; I love them, and you, of course!
My mom? My mom merely worries excessively about my being over here. I'm obnoxious of it. Sometimes, her excess worry triggers my mind to get myself into eating disorder. I know that eating disorder will lead to death, but the way she worries about me is abnormal. It feels like killing me with her words. I want to get out of it. I really want to get out of it. Furthermore, she always stalks my Facebook (and my other accounts). Yeah, she has expertised in stalking after excelling in using Opera Mini via her phone. It's like my world is being colonized. I can share NOTHING. Sometimes, she knows novel news which I never mention in my Facebook. She is just a freaking annoying stalker who always searches for as many channels as possible to know me more.
I rarely talk to her, not because that I hate her. The way she wants to know my privacy makes me sick of her. It makes me want to escape from her stalker hands. I feel that I have no life anymore when everything is revealed. It's not fair that she knows everything about us; meanwhile, we know nothing about her except the truth that she is stress dealing with my siblings. She always wants to know who you are, D. She always guesses the person. Once, I confide in my problem about the pervert guy, she laughed. I'm just too obnoxious of crush. Guys don't play with feeling, right?
Anw, thank to Jelek for reminding me to sleep. I almost forget to sleep; I know that these eyes are hazy enough. This feeling in the pit of my stomach really urges me to puke. Shall I fast tomorrow?
P.S.:
I love everyone. I don't understand about crush and whatever the joyful feeling inside this heart. All I know is: I love that person because he's adorable, because she inspires me, because he always comes at the right time, because he practices evangelism, because he always welcomes me when I need somebody, because of reasons. I don't know why but I believe that the next person who touches my heart, who fills my life with joy and happiness, who teaches me patiently, who cares of me, will be my forever companion. I just believe it for no reason. At all.
I remember this:
" If you hold your love for 4 years, do you think that you will survive with it? In contrast, it will just fail you"
" Loh, D* kan cuma mau sama . . . . . "
I assume so much about those sentences.
Thank you, Lord.
with gratitude,
*smooches*
Irene, xxx
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