8 Letters to Death

Bonjour fellas! How's day? Singapore and KL are having their term-break. Finally, I can savour my days in this Mid-Autumn season with my lovely moon cake ♥ Actually, Mid-autumn is the best season for me, as I was born on the season ♥ Much loves for moon cake :))

P.S.: Merci for the twins miss Brunei for the moon cake sharing with me. :D

UT3 has over. One semester passed in blink of eyes. I has just arrived in Singapore city since 15th April 2010, and I have stayed for five-month time. Although I have stayed for almost half year, I still cannot remember the way in Orchard or anywhere else, except Republic Polytechnic. So, if you want to kidnap me in this city, you will easily work it out.

Alright, I screwed up my Maths UT. After I've discussed the solution with my roomie, it is so surprising that I misinterpreted the questions. Stupid head! What I was thinking during UT? Frankly, OOVOO!

Last night, I dreamt of Abet arriving in Singapore city. He came to Merlion city on my birthday, and he brought my birthdy gift for me. His gift was too good to be true. Ipad and an Apple gadget (either itouch or iphone)! HAHA. I must be insane, since I was transformed suddenly (after receiving his gift) to be an Apple user. My stuffs were being altered to be Apple. Mac, Apple gadget, and Ipad. HAHAHA. Silly head dreamt of such luxurious gift before her Maths UT. Then, she screwed up her UT, because of overthinking her dream during exam.

P.S.: You screwed your reputation as a genius Indonesian. BLAME it on your head if you don't get an A!

I've promised to bring 5As, and I've promised to be a 4-pointer in this semester. Now? I could really hope right now.

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If I could share, I wished people wouldn't think that I was talking nonsense. I was deeply in conflict with myself. As I realize, I often talked to myself - what do you feel? What do you think about him (last ex)? Are you really satisfied of what I've done? I often talked to her, but it was 3 years ago. Now, she has awaken after she has been buried forcely deep inside this mind. This mind has been so busy for the last two years to graduate her senior high school, hence, I have no time to instropect myself.

My life in Senior High was so hectic yet pathetic. Rushing for deadline and passing grade has been my thought. Books were my diet. Stress was my mind. Slumber was nothing crucial, since I am a work-aholic. Health was gambling material for better result. Peers were places to have fun. School is craps. Chemistry is my passion. Those are what I can describe for my accelerated years.

I have neglected myself for years mentally and physically. I am fighting with myself. The war is going on. 8 letters, and I want to die seriously. I have no courage. I have no self-esteem, frankly. I am too afraid to meet people! I prefer imprisoning myself in my room, and preparing myself for death. I hate fighting with myself. I am weak. Too weak to be sure!

Burn me with acid, not fire!
Tortured me deeply at every inch of my spine, not bones!
Played me with logic, not emotion!
Feed me with fructose, not glucose!
Let me live in sunshine, not moon light!
Let her hurts me with words, not bamboo stick!

Let me feel my worst moment in my life: excruciating pain. I am phobia of pain.


Gonna see myself in a-week time. If I am getting worse, let me leave.


xoxo,

-frustrated-


P.S.: I was slipped over, and I fell in the middle of street. Almost banged by car. Love my scar.

You won't feel pain for the first 30 seconds after you're injured. You feel nothing if you neglect the wound.

Pain is just an illussion, whether you want to taste or to neglect it.