Teacher's day is just 24hours ahead from now on, but my room mate has been flooded with gifts :P *yea, she is a good teacher; she deserves them!
Anw, I received wonderful revelations from God today. I posted them as my Facebook status, but I think that no one realizes them fully.
"For revelation is unlike matter which will wither when tribulation takes place, but it will reveal itself through tribulations and testings"
- I've been asking God constantly 'why do you put myself into this seem-to-be endless tribulations? Have I cheated you? Have I turned to left and right instead of heeding Your commands? What had I done? Tell me, Father!' He has promised me something in the future, and I am extremely excited to wait for His promises to be done. However, refining process is taking place for goodness sake.
"you're called, you're specially appointed, you're specially chosen to step out, but in faith"
-To be His special people, I must learn to lean myself on Him better.
"In tribulations, we learn to lean on God better"
-Dr. A.R. Bernard-
Sometimes, it's hard for me to take it when people start to rebuke against me. It's pretty painful when people rebuke at your understanding, but well, I eventually learn something from it. Thank you to my brothers and sisters in Christ who always speak against my negative understanding.
Such as:
"I can't get over this anymore. I feel like committing suicide! Isn't God knowing that I have been suffering, that I had my meal for once a day only? Why He doesn't pour down His blessings? Scripture says that 'blessed are His people with overflowing blessings'! But me? Huh? I've been starving until I can't think, study, and even sleep! Scripture says that 'God is love', and is this what I call 'love'? Is God blind? Huh? WHY?! I want to die already. I won't hesitate to jump from this level!" I said this sentence in August 2011.
My spiritual sister didn't look terrified of my words at all. She calmly spoke:
"No. He is not blind; He is watching over us; He listens what you've said just now. Now what? You cannot blame Him. Maybe He wants you to learn something from this? This is what we call 'refining process'. I know that it's painful like I can't tell, but Irene, God hasn't stopped this storm because He knows that you're stronger than what you think. Keep on going, Irene. We support you."
I was speechless, then I wept even harder.
* * *
Personally, I'm glad and proud, looking at my friend who decides by his own to step out in faith. He may not know what will be going on, but he is of good courage. I'm deeply inspired by him.
God knows that I won't heed His command when He tells me to step out. He knows that I've been dwelling so good in my comfort zone. He knows that I'm a typical of 'play safe' person. So, here I am, He puts me into His place, and I'm learning to let Him to work in my life.
September has arrived. Another new month. I will depart to Indonesia (again) this month, staying at home for 2 weeks (not for the sake of holiday). I want to observe how God has worked within my family, as I sense a lot changes have been done by Him. Thank you, Jesus.
P.S.:
And now, I decide to let you go. The journey that we've gone through together is just tasteless. I thought that I could count on you after Jesus. But no, you proved it that you appreciate me with no value in your eyes. I am God's beloved, and so you are. But well, you treat your own spiritual sister without any value. My heart broke into pieces. Hold on, I will love you still, as my cousin-oh-cousin. God has given me His apostle of love as your substitute. Thank you for letting me to invest my hope on you. I will proceed my hope into my apostle of love whom God has promised to me.
faith, hope, love,
Irene, xxx
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