Compare And Contrast

Bonjour, fellas :)

Life has been so hectic recently. Life has been filled with long.
However, still, life is still being joyful, but I don't know the reasons why I'm feeling lonely inside my heart. It's like something is missing, and my gut feeling urges me to do something. However, I don't know what I'm supposed to do!

I'm stress. My body shows that I'm stress. My hair falls, my body is tired, and my mind is filled with random thought. I just can't handle my thought. I don't know how. As a result, I always find myself crying for no reason. I've no passionate to workout. This feeling is exactly the same when I had forgotten God.

I'm stepping on my way to go for service.

At the other hand, I'm stress, thinking of my W (this is not someone's name, but it's a noun).

I always hope that I can meet with those whom I miss- Richard koko, Jelek, Leslie Melisa, David Pangeran, my family, and my Senior High School classmates. Not forgotten, I haven't met my cousins for a long time, and I want to meet them.

I want to experience another atmosphere here. Now, I truly understand when one says that "I've a boring life". It's not that I'm doing the same thing again and again everyday. I don't learn the novel things with my heart.

It's sad where I'm always haunted and hungering for my past life. It means that how long time has passed, I'm still living in my past. I force myself to move on, but I cannot. I always forget what days have been teaching me, like I regard it as a bygone without any value. I don't want to curse myself, but to be frank, I'm bad!

My friend is in the same boat with me. I can't tell how much she miss her senior high school moments. Not that I miss my senior high school, my senior high school was stressful exams and piling up assignments! ==''

I miss the young me.

I envy the young Irene who lived with her perfect family. Irene who used to gain certificate from NUS. Irene who used to sign for Olympiad's certificate every year. Irene who always watched out what she ate. Irene who always danced over pop music. Irene who could savour the real orange juice after arriving home from school. Irene who had good time to confide in her mom. Irene who had an average of 97.50 at her tabulation. Irene who used to fit in all kinds of dresses. Irene who could go out in every weekend without worrying any expense. Irene who prayed to God every weekend. Irene who had close relationship with God. Irene who told the best jokes at everywhere she landed on. Lastly, Irene who never cried at any bad situation even when she broke up with her lovely ex-boyfriend!

Now?

Irene who has trouble while communicating with her family members. Irene who is often mad at her mother. Irene who never knows her dad anymore. Irene who hands no certificates in this couple of years! Irene who eats whatever she likes like nobody's business! Irene who always listens to clubbing music with maximum volume with her ear-piece. Irene who drinks no more juice. Irene who gets A only at her chemistry and Maths. Irene who spends money everywhere for her wants! Irene who has just started her step to church. Irene who looks for God when she's stress! Then, she leaves God after God has fulfilled her demand. Irene who is the most quiet girl in the entire Singapore! Irene who isn't willing to show up and telling jokes in English! Lastly, Irene who cries for nothing.

See? See me?! I don't blame for my broken family, but on other aspects, you can judge me whether I'm good or sucks. See who I am now?! SEE?

Fortunately, there are people out there who still want to accept me with all my flaws. I still have someone whom I can regard as my dad. I still have somebody to remind me of God. I still have somebody who can get me into a new community. I still have those who can be my sisters. I still have my life here. God, I'm grateful of having my family over here.

2011. I want to throw my memory of my past life into recycle bin. I'll restore the data back after I've altered to be a better one.


Involving myself in NTU cell group is a good idea to wake me up from pathetic life. True? :)


with pain,

- Irene -